Day 21…..ok, its now or never

I’m exhausted. 5 rehearsals in as many days, trying desperately to marshall my thoughts and keep my faith strong because God hasn’t moved on my behalf yet…..trying to keep the anxiety at bay….and watching ppl I care about go down a very dangerous and destructive road while Dad tells me to sit, shut up and watch. Tough times. Trying to pass these “tests” and not take things into my own hands….which I happen to think are very capable! Hahahaha! NOT! I have a serious protective streak and I want to come to aid of those I care about. But some are unwilling to be helped and some can handle it themselves…the big hindrance is Dad telling me to sit down and shut up. He’s got it. (Stop singing bro! Lol!) I love that guy…my brother…always stirring the pot and never afraid to deliver the hard truth no one else will admit to. You know when ppl refer to the “800lb gorilla” in the room? Well he doesn’t just talk about it. He gets on its back and rides it! Lol! Another thing weighing heavily on me today is that I’m scared for “her”. I know. I know. I’m going to get messages about this. “Why are you even concerned!” Blah. Blah, blah. What you have to get is that real love doesn’t just go away. Biblically defined, love never quits, never gives up, overlooks a multitude of sin, doesn’t keep score. While I don’t believe I will or ever could …..well let me not say that because I can’t limit Dad that way. But I’m seriously concerned that the road I see her going down is a road I’ve already been down. If it were not for the grace of God I would have been dead. She’s driving me to my knees. I’m scared for her but I’m trusting God to protect her until she gets healthy. I don’t know how He will do it…but I know He can and will. He loves her more than I ever could. I just pray she doesn’t have to lose everything and everyone for Him to reach her. God knows that’s painful …..I’ve been there. And I desperately don’t want her to experience that kind of hurt. It might sound crazy considering what I’ve been through but I just want her healthy, happy and whole. And I’m believing that Dad is going to make that happen. (Please no messages about how insane it is for me to still care….when you find someone and truly love them more than yourself then you’ll get it) Well today’s the day. Dads time is running out. He’s gotta make a move today. I’m patiently waiting. He’s let my dream job contact me again. Even though, I don’t see how I can afford to take the job. The testing required is still a little out of my budget right now. So I’m not really getting the purpose of being contacting again. But I’m sitting quietly and awaiting instructions. Well he’s kind of given me some that I haven’t followed through on. I keep hearing “seek and you shall find”. I haven’t wholeheartedly been seeking. But I have been wholeheartedly complaining. We tend to do that don’t we? One more area I need to get my crap together in. One day at a time, right? Well while I have so much to say ….about the gig tonight with a multi Grammy award winning artist…so awesome…just dropped in my lap…thanks Dad. And about the awesome opportunity afforded me tomorrow to address the student body at a local Christian elementary school as the guest speaker. Who would’ve thought id be doing that? So many awesome and cool things are happening…..and I’m able to share them with the special ppl in my life….no matter what happens today, …..whether Dad moves or not on my behalf……He’s still God and He’s still Dad….the best Dad ever……just wish I knew what the heck this weird feeling I’ve had all morning is….think it has something to do with “her” but I’m not sure. Ill just keep praying….. Laters

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