Day 23 ….my heart hurts

I received the news that her Nana passed this morning. When I read it. My heart broke. I couldn’t contain the tears. Before you say it…..understand, this…no matter what has transpired…..I hurt bc she’s hurting…so don’t. I know how much she’s dreaded this day. I know how much she’s hurting. And that kills me. Doesn’t matter about the past few months…..she’s hurting bad…and I can’t do anything about it….I can’t take it away….and that hurts. I really hate that things went so bad at the end bc I really wanted to be there for her through this. I knew this day was coming…..and I just wanted to support her however she needed bc she loved her Nana like no other. All I can do is pray that there is a strong shoulder for her…..I wish it was mine. I hope and pray that her mom makes it through this bc she’s having as tough a time as any. Its so hard to know how much they hurt with this loss…..and I know you guys are having fits bc of the past few weeks and the fact I still care so much…..but know this, there will never be a day that I don’t care about what happens to her….no matter what…..I’ve said it a million times…..ill always love her…and now I cry with her and hurt for her…..just pray…..just pray.

P.S. when I was in the bad accident that totaled my car and injured me…the most painful thing was that even though we were on the “outs”, I felt like she didn’t even care I almost died. When in fact, she didn’t even know that it happened. Later, she said if she had known, she would’ve been there. That plays in my mind and I don’t want her to feel the same way I did. So, it may not be well received, but I need it said…..I’m here. No judgements. No discussion of any of the past events. Nothing more than a shoulder for u. I’ve been told by those around me not to reach out to u. I’m taking that advice bc I don’t know where u are emotionally. But I want it known, that this supersedes anything that was said and done. Love doesn’t keep score and neither do I. I’m here….if u need me. And that’ll stay between us. I’m praying….and hurting for u.

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