Today was really hard…..incredibly hard. I had to make a tough call. Do the right thing and possibly lose everything…..or do the easy but deceptive thing and possibly keep everything.
I just kept thinking, even though I already knew what I was going to do, what kind of man would u want to be married to? Now, most would say,” the only thing that matters is what God wants u to be.” While that is number one, its not the only item on the list.
One of the issues I had during my engagement to her was that she hid me from her parents towards the end. I understood her reasoning she gave me many times….that she just didn’t want to deal with drama if they knew and she had to live there. I get it. But I would’ve given anything for her to walk in the front door holding my hand and say, ” Mom, Dad….this is the man I love. I believe he loves me. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him. Id like it to be with your blessing but if u can’t give it, I respect that but it doesn’t change our decision. I love him and I want to be his wife.”
I often wonder what I could’ve done to make her proud enough of me to do that. Make her love me that much. I ask these questions bc I don’t want to make the same mistake with you. Somehow, though I just believe that you’ll believe in me and be my biggest cheerleader even when I don’t see it. True, I didn’t start off with her being a stand up guy….never cheated or anything but just wasn’t honest about me. But you know what they say, ” its not how you start, but its how you finish.” And I gotta say the man you’re going to marry is a far different man than the one that started that relationship.
I suppose, honey, u should thank her. She put into a lot of blood, sweat and tears, to get me to the point I am now….to make me into a good husband….and you get to enjoy her hard work and sacrifice. I don’t say that lightly. She went thru hell with me to get me to face the man I had become….and when I was freed that night on her parents living room floor, Sept. 10, 2012, I’ve never been the same since.
Which brings me back to today. Before 9/10/12, I would’ve probably tried to dodge the issue as long as possible until I could come up with a solution.
But knowing that you, my future Mrs. Forever After, deserves and will only respect a man that will do the right thing no matter the cost….instead of doing whatever it takes to save things, no matter the cost….(think about that a minute, it’ll hit u)….
I didn’t wait until I was forced. I willingly did the right thing…..and….it didn’t turn out well. Matter of fact, it turned out as bad as it could. By Gods grace, I don’t think it will cost me my livelihood but I didn’t know it wouldn’t until 9pm tonight. Here’s the funny thing: (my brother and Mr. Tattoo will love this part ) I’ve been talking about how Christians blame the devil for their trials while praying for God to mold and shape them. When in fact, God is doing just that. I’ve been reflecting on just because we do the right thing, we don’t necessarily deserve a cookie for it. We’re supposed to do the right thing. Its called being a disciple. Then Mr. Tattoo shares a video of the makers of the movies Fireproof and Courageous. He was sharing
how God made him live out the message of those movies as he was making them………then today happens. Did the right thing….God didn’t show up and part the red sea……it just fell apart. Can’t run around screaming “no weapon!” Now can I, bro?
Think ill quit talking now….ya think?
Posted from WordPress for Android
Posted from WordPress for Android