An interesting conversation was had recently between myself and an individual concerning my “list of requirements” for marriage. Interestingly enough, im suprised by how much of the list has changedover the last five years. Even more interestingly, how the list has reverted so much back to its original form. It just absolutely astounds me how much of my original requirements that have been dropped or discarded along the path in search of love have found their way back into the top five….especially now that im in my forties. You see, we as ppl tend to do one of two things when it comes to picking a mate…in my opinion. We choose “Love” or “the list”. Sometimes we compromise which actually is choosing door number one. We say things like, “If you fall in love with the personality, everything else will be beautiful”. We have the most antidotal romanticisms, dont we? I wont explain the picture bc those that know me get it completely! (i have a bit of a high heel fetish, which im glad to say is back on the list)
i find it interesting that whether we choose to admit it or not, we all have those lists. The interesting part is watching who will hold out for everything on those lists and who will give up in the name of emoional bliss, or pure exhaustion. Of course the typical rebuttal would be that “you cant find everything in one person. Youre going to have to compromise something.” To that i pose this question, “Why should we?” Because society says we have to ? Because we dont have the determination or the fortitude to “Just say No”? Or is it because our need to be “loved” and the tick tock of the biological clock causes us to start marking things off the list as unimportant because we have no faith that either we deserve them or we lose hope of ever finding them all in one place?
I read one of my favorite blogs that mentioned being gaga over a man the same time he was gaga over her. In my experience, You have a better chance of finding your list in one person than you have of finding that! two ppl at the same place in life, that feel the same way about each other and it stays that way? Now thats a stretch! What typically happens is that one always feels stronger for one than the other. ALWAYS. \
back to the list….So one asks, “where does “love” fit into all of this?” It doesnt. Love is unreliable….never a good foundation to build anything on….it comes and goes based on a wide range of uncontrollable variables. Committment however is the rock that stands the test of time. So I ask this: If youre committed to your list, and happen to find someone who fulfills those requirements….and emotion plays no part in it as it shouldnt…..wouldnt you want to be committed to and learn to love the one that has your “everything” rather learning to live with someone that has your top 5? Now i know so of us are hopeless romantics and we are still waiting for the swooning and the “love wagon” to pull in and sweep us away…….thats in movies and books…..real couples fight and argue….and tick each other off…repeatedly…….My thought is: if shes going to be screaming at me…..why cant she be doing it in 6 inch, open toed, strappy Christian Loubatins? Is a pencil skirt to much to ask too? Im just sayin.