I’m not really supposed to be thinking this far ahead. I know this. In my mind, I know I should completely be concentrating on bettering me. All these things I know. But I can’t shake the deluge of conflicting emotions that are running amuck inside me. I really should be only appreciating the blessing of reconnecting with my daughter….working on being the man she can respect and be proud to call her dad…..but the dream of a family….in the real sense keeps plaguing me at every turn. I have been given a miracle twice. Once with her birth and now with a second chance. Yet, while appreciating every time she says, “daddy”….(it melts me everytime ) I wonder what it would be like to tuck her in. Read her a bedtime story, help her with homework…….family stuff. The everyday stuff. Family vacations….exploring places with her….I’m not going to let myself go into detail about the other part of this scenario. I can’t let myself even think it…..but I feel the tug to. And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. People say trust your heart…..I believe that’s the worst advice ever given. I did. Once. I was crushed almost beyond recognition or repair. My advice is to trust God, listen to your intuition (mind) and take your heart with u. Never leave it with someone. Nothing wrong with taking risks…..but only if they are smart ones. Acceptable ones.
I know I’ve just gotta keep my head down and keep plugging along. Can’t stop to dream……if I let my heart lead, ill end up lost, heartbroken and in a fog of unrealized dreams. Gotta stick to the plan…no matter what…..manage my emotions and not be managed by them….
PS …my ppl feel free to hold me accountable to follow through…
I need to do this time right…..
Love you wherever u are
Mrs. Happily Ever After
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