Im discovering that the idea thats more often widely accepted that “love” is something that you “fall’ into is actually a myth that is in dire need of being debunked.
Maybe i shouldnt start this blog this way……
lets start again. I will work for love….but Love doesnt work for me, unfortunately. Its so ironic that I am so loved (relationally man-woman) those who i cant really connect to in that way….but those who i would die for (Bruno Mars reference) catch a grenade for, stick my hand on a blade…..dont feel im worth the effort.
So the question arises….why do we empty our hearts at the feet of those who are not willing to work for the prize of unconditional bliss and we just cant find a way to be attracted to or find contentment with those who actually will return that unconditional committment?
Why is it so hard? On the one hand, we feel as if to accept the love of those who we feel no connection with is to somehow settle for less than our “dream mates”. But at the same time why wouldnt you want to spend your life with someone that adores you? I mean really? Isnt that what we all want? But when presented with it in a form that doesnt fit our predetermined “list”; we cant manage to make ourselves “fall’ in love with them. And if we do…if we manage to convince ourselves and our friends that we’re marrying for “love”….(the nice way of explaining why our mates arent as attractive as our exes or as we’d like) then we also take on the responsibility of making sure that our mate doesnt wake up every morning and feel as if we married them because we ran out of options and they were the best availiable option. I mean really? Who wants to have in the back of their minds for the rest of their lives that they were the best availiable option left?
But again, why wouldnt we choose the one who loves us best? Arrrgg! If we chase the one that makes us warm and fuzzy all over….it is rare that the other things on our lists are met.Generally because “the beautiful people never had to develop those intangiable personal traits as integrity,personality and character. The hard work required by the normal portion of the population is often not required by the beautiful people…through no fault of their own. They just take advantage of our need to be associated with the beautiful people and WE give them the free pass.
Please dont misinterpete this as a “blanket statement”. I HOPE and believe that there are those that are as beautiful inside as they are outside. One of which,i pray someday will be my Mrs.Happily ever After. I just am so troubled by the thought that i am somehow apparently superficial because i cant make myself settle physically. Does that make me a bad person? i have personality requirements that are non negotiables. Whats wrong with having physical non negotiables?
But with those non negotiables….i do recognize that we arent necessarily weeding out the prospects that “dont cut it”…..we actually limit ourselves to to possibilities….and experiences….
Hence the conclusion of the matter: date. date often. date frequently…date openly…everyone gets a clean slate. (By “date” i mean go out, hang out, develop a friendship with many people. NO SERIOUS commitments) date and meet as many people as you can. eliminating no one. Rule 1: DO NOT fall in love with anyone unless they meet ALL the list requirements….RULE 2. Be honest and upfront. “Im looking for Mr./Mrs. Perfect but until i find them ill enjoy a great dinner and music with interesting people. RULE 3. Be Transparent. Let them know early and often about your lists. most people can figure out if they meet the requirements or not. But for the hard headed you might have to spell it out. RULE 4. Avoid ANYONE that is just looking to fall in love. Guarranteed they will fall in love with you before the main course arrives and youll spend the better part of the evening explaining why they dont have a shot with you. RULE 5. (men only) Avoid “church women” at all costs! They dod not see the incredible value of dating and only date in hopes of a serious relationship the ends in marriage. Most are incapable of going out to dinner or a movie on a regular basis and not try to make it into a relationship. Run, men run….(preachers kid talking here so ive got 40+ years of experience to back me up)
I guess the moral of the story is: I will work myself into the ground for my Mrs. Happily Ever After…..nothing i wouldnt do……and maybe im wrong for this atittude but my Mrs. Oh My Gosh I cant Believe Im Your Husband and Mrs. I guess You’ll Do………are NOT the same person……no matter how much mrs. you’ll do loves me…..
(Mrs. P, ya see, i cant settle for anyone but you….and i havent even met you yet!……at least i dont think i have…)