Day 140…..its time for punctuation in my life.

Namely, a period. I’ve played the game. I’ve done the right thing. Followed through on doing the right thing. Haven’t let my emotions get the best of me. Kept 90% of what I truly felt to myself and mouth shut. Said no to the easy way out. Taken the “poo” shower in stride. Maybe I’ve been reading tooamy inspirational quotes but I’ve come to the conclusion: the only way my life will change and get better is if I change it. Me. Follow my logic if u will…
I am a father to 4 amazing women and I’m not married to their moms. I am no longer a home owner. No longer a business owner. No longer owner of property,  investments, savings a myriad of things. I work a job that any joe shmoe off the street could do. Doesn’t take much intelligence, any skill or talent. I am paid accordingly. I possess a myriad of skills and talents. None of which I have managed to turn into a lucrative income. Okay, I have to amend that last one. I have had a successful music career and have made substantial income in my lifetime as talented painter. Operative word being “had”. The point being that the state I currently live in is a direct result of the choices IVE made. Not some divine intervention. Not some master plan. I can’t believe that Dad would intentionally direct my life through “hell” to prove a point. He’ll help me survive my mistakes but not drive me off the cliff.
So I propose, if He isn’t responsible for the atrocity that I wake up to daily that is my current state….and He didn’t put me here…..why would I think that I can sit and wait for Him to change it? I did this. So doesn’t it stand to reason that I should get on with changing it?
While I’m confident He will point the way and give some direction, if asked……I’ve got to undo this mess.
Gotta say, I’m a little frustrated with myself that I bought into the “I’m waiting on you, Jesus” deal…hook, line and sinker. I imagine Jesus sitting up there saying,” Uhmmm, wait on son…Ull b waiting..” Hate that I fell for that lazy Christian cop out. “I’m too lazy to do anything about my situation so I’m gonna sit on my fat rump and claim I’m waiting in faith to get out of taking any responsibility for my situation.”

Sidebar: THIS IS THE REASON WHY THERE ARE SO MANY SINGLE Christian WOMEN….anointed and flowing in the pathetic…lol. “Gods going to send the one He created for Boaz” Uhm, no He’s not, ya Nutjob! There’s no scripture to back up that hogwash!

So therein lies my need for a period. I hate the life I’m living….I want better. I deserve it. I’m worth it. So….I’m done waiting for better to divinely drop from the sky…..done waiting…PERIOD!

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