I’ve soundly reprimanded for my question yesterday. Ok, not for the question….more so that there was even a decision to be made. The powers that be, resoundingly said that I shouldn’t be accepting help from any of those offering. That I should patiently wait for God to bail me out. In his time. So that’s what I’m going to do.
Here’s my dilemma. Apparently, I’m supposed to be “happy” about not doing anything about my sad state. I’m supposed to be content to not know whether ill have my bills paid, a ride to work, food to eat and not be able to do anything to make it better. I’m supposed to just sit and wait. And be happy about it. “See the glass as half full” …….when my water is shut off. (Figuratively of course)
What’s interesting is that now that I’m being honest and completely transparent about everything…..people don’t like it so much. I could be fake. And pretend I’m waiting in deep pious faith on God to move mightily. But didn’t I just fight tooth and nail NOT be fake anymore? Not to be dishonest about who I am and what I am feeling? To be a man of integrity no matter what or how it makes me look?
So therin lies my dilemma. Look myself in the eye in the mirror and say I’m going to trust God to change things even though my heart is setting itself to be disappointed or say,” I’m going to do everything I can to change my situation and what I can’t do anything about I won’t worry about. If God changes things….great. If He doesn’t, I’m no worse off than I am now.”
Somehow, I still think I’m going to be reprimanded for that one too.
I’m honest and still I’m wrong. Just can’t win.
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