Day 146…..holding my breath.

“Prepare for the worst and expect the best”….a common antidote adopted by many and applied just as much in their everyday lives. I, being one of those such people, have started to question the validity of this thought process.
Sidebar: missed yesterdays post bc I forgot to save it before finishing….completely lost my train of thought so I gave up.
I’ve recently being having very interesting conversations with various people concerning my perspective concerning my life in its present state. There are very diverse and opposing camps of opinions. Now a lot of you would say, others opinions don’t matter bc they don’t have to live with the consequences of your decisions. While I don’t disagree, I honestly believe that if you don’t take the time to hear every opposing view from your own, you are doing yourself an injustice. Bc the truth is, you actually could be blinded to a very obvious truth. To assume that you have it right, and all sown up is to ensure you Will fall flat on your face. No one, and I repeat, NO ONE has the right opinion or thought process about EVERYTHING. And if you think you do, you’re probably wrong about more things than you are right about. Guaranteed. The best stance I have discovered to the most proactive is to assume that you are ill informed about most things and be willing to hear with an open mind and ear,others viewpoints and ideas. You will learn and make far fewer mistakes leading to catastrophes than if u operate in the mode of knowing all, about all in all situations.
All that being said, doesn’t it seem as if adopting “prepare for the worst expect the best” mentality is actually saying, “I’m preparing to lose but expect to win?” Who does that?

But the issue that I struggle with is the expecting to win part. I don’t “do” disappointment well. So I don’t put myself in situations that I could possibly be disappointed. If possible, I never depend on others. I don’t rely on people. I enjoy my life with or without people. I go get what I want or I have most of my life…..just very recently things have changed drastically. But I’m working to get back there….where what people do or don’t so doesn’t affect me at all. And now that I’ve accepted and chosen to permanently guard my heart against everything and everyone….that’s safe finally too. Its just so hard to allow myself to expect “things to work out” when things only seem to get patched up for a week or so then go to crap. Im looking for the permanent solution. Permanent stability …..like I had two years ago. Like I had before “her” . Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming her for anything in my life going the way it did. I chose to do what was asked. I did it. No one else. And I had the right and ability to say no and walk away at anytime. No ones fault but mine. I chose to stay.
And I learned several valuable lessons from that experience. Ill never make those mistakes again. No one is worth giving up your happiness for. No one is worth changing your life for.

But now, how do I not expect the worst when for two years that’s what I’ve known….don’t want to…..so my solution: lose your expectations. Don’t expect anything but what u control. If u don’t do it….don’t expect it. Then if good happens…surprise…..if it doesn’t work out….then u try something else. Either way……never disappointed again.

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