Pride. …the need to be heard….the human tendency to believe that everyone should think like you…..these are all culprits in the demise of so many of our relationships. ..parent/child…brother/sister…husband/wife. Our relentless unyielding steadfastness to bend those we love into our way of thinking and what we think is wrong or right is the very instrument that breaks, not bend, these relationships into pieces. And we stand over the shattered remains wondering, “was my being right worth it?” “Was what other ppl’s opinion of me and my reputation worth losing my parent…my child…my spouse…my sibling?”
I have done both. I have sacrificed being heard or being “right” for the sake of the relationship and I have stood my ground and watch those I love walk away. I am not advocating which is better. Honestly, they both hurt terribly. But in retrospect, I see it this way: Standing your ground is noble…even admirable. ..but how fufilling is it when the one you love is no longer standing on that ground with you?
Conversely, giving in and surrendering what you believe in for the sake of those you love is also a noble act….but can you honestly respect the reflection in the bathroom mirror when what you stand for is determined by who you love?
I reflect on the last words that I texted to my ex. Typical of most of us. I wish I had said something different. Something that reflected the truth of my heart and not the fire of my emotions. What comes to mind is one of the most powerful speeches ive ever heard. It happens to be from a movie called “Any Given Sunday”. Id like to share with you my version of that speech….if I had to do it over….this is what I wouldve said:
(the words in parentheses have been changed to be applicable to my situation)
“I don’t know what to say really.(We’ve come)to the biggest battle of our lives (and it) all comes down to today.Either we heal as a (couple) or we are going to crumble.Inch by inch (day by day) till we’re finished.We are in hell right now, (her name) believe me and we can stay here and get the crap kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light.We can climb out of hell.One inch, at a time.Now I can’t do it for (us).I look around and I see (your beautiful) young face and I think I mean I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.I uh….I pissed away all my money believe it or not.I chased off anyone who has ever loved me.And lately,I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.You know when you get old in life things get taken from you.That’s, that’s part of life.But,you only learn that when you start losing stuff.You find out that life is just a game of inches.So is football.Because in either game life or football the margin for error is so small.I mean one half step too late or to early you don’t quite make it.One half second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it.The inches we need are everywhere around us.They are in ever break of the game every minute, every second.(In) this (relationship), we fight for that inch. (In) this (relationship), we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that inch.We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.Cause we know when we add up all those inches that’s going to make the (freaking) difference between WINNING and LOSING between LIVING and DYING.I’ll tell you this in any fight it is the (couple) who is willing to die who is going to win that inch.And I know if I am going to have any (kind of) life (with you) anymore it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch because that is what LIVING is.The six inches in front of your face.Now I can’t make you do it.You gotta look at the guy (in front of) you. Look into his eyes.Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.You are going to see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this (couple) because he hopes when it comes down to it,you are gonna do the same thing for him.That’s a marriage, and either we heal now, as a couple,or we will die as individuals.That’s football (honey) and thats life. That’s all it is. Now, whattaya gonna do?”
Maybe thats a conversation some of u need to have before its too late…think about it…is your pride worth it? Let it marinate, ppl.