Day 209- living free not defensively

Its amazing what you learn in the most unfamiliar ways in life. When you “surrender to the pitch” its amazing how Dad grows you in the most uncommon ways. The biggest lesson of the week is that growth is painful. Transparency is necessary for accountability. And you can never grow, progress, mature without facing and owning who and what you are….no matter how painful and embarrassing it may be….youll be surprised how much the people you love will love you for your transparency and willingness to be accountable. The funny thing is that we struggle so hard battling to keep the house of cards standing….struggling to keep the persona that weve created valid…I know this because I did it for years…struggled to keep up appearances and wore the mask faithfully…..eve got to the place where I believed my own lies as the truth. I fought tooth and nail to protect those lies, never realizing that no one was ever really buying them and all the ppl that truly cared about me just wanted me to realize that they loved me….flaws and all…
Thats one of the most powerful epiphanys one can ever have in life. That a good name can only be had by one who can own their failures. Respect can only be garnered by those who have the ability to admit their flaws. Maturity is the fruit of openly sharing your mistakes. The flaws, lies and mistakes that ive confronted and worked through with my family, friends and therapist actually was never only about me….so many young ppl, women, men have shared with me how they thought they were alone in the prisons of the facade they built…alone in their utter heartbreak….their despair and depression….in their struggle just to make it through the night. Thats whats so beautiful….that as Dad dragged me kicking and screaming through the darkest time in my life, I was completely wrapped up in my pain, my hurt, losing the love of my life…..and all the while, He was leading me down a road of freedom even though I felt like prisoner to my despair. Freedom from having to protect a reputation…freedom to let Dad be Dad……freedom to live in the present…not the future or the past…..freedom to love who I see in the mirror…and while hes far from perfect…he is loved so much not in spite of his flaws but because hes learned to own them….learn from them…grow from them…share those lessons…knowing that honesty and integrity will his legacy….to his family…his daughters….and his Dad.

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