I have so much to say. So there will be a lit coming in the next few blogs.
Ive been very busy lately and spent quite a bit of time out of town. So ill be catching all of you up on the news.
But right now…..
Im up watching “Our Family Wedding”. Normally, I turn the channel when any kind of wedding/love story movie comes on….avoid that stuff at all costs. But for some reason, I wanted to see if I could handle it. Didnt expect to see my last relationship on screen. Only difference is they worked through the problems and put their parents in their place…..we didnt do that.
Anyhow, not the point….watching that movie brought a few things to light for me. Thought id share. I so desperately dont want to be the parent I watched tonight or the one I experienced in my past. Ive made a lot of mistakes as a dad. A whole lot of mistakes. Admitted this openly to my daughters and my exs parents. Now to you guys. But I never want to make my daughters feel guilty for who they choose to love. Carlos Mencia in that movie had his daughterd life all planned out in his head. When his daughters choices didnt match his dreams or expectations. ..he made her too afraid to be honest with him…..I never want my daughters to ever be afraid to choose what they want to do with their lives. Lucia in the movie, dropped out of law school to volunteer teaching preschoolers. Her dads worst nightmare. But whats worse….teaching is her passion…Marcus is her passion……but neither were her parent’s dream for her. She was afraid to tell them.
I cringe at the thought my daughters being too afraid to tell me that my dream for them isnt what they are passionate about. I cringe at my daughters being afraid to tell me about the man they fall in love with. Lucia’s fear of confronting her dad about dropping out of law school and telling him about Marcus not only almost cost her the love of her life but more importantly crushed her fathers feelings. He had no idea that he had placed so much pressure on his daughter. She didnt know that he just wanted her to do whatever made her happy. She felt so fufilled as a teacher and she knew how much Marcus loved her. I never want to pressure my daughterd to live up to my expectations. …I want them to live up to their dreams……not mine.
Ive made some of the same mistakes. Pushed my oldest really hard about basketball and music. …pushed her away. One of my regrets. ..
I encourage you all…..if u have children….dont put what u think is best for them before what they choose for their lives…..dont use guilt and manipulation to control ur kids decisions….we all want them to be successful and happy…but whats more important. …is that they are able to trust us to share their entire lives with us…good bad or ugly….knowing that we wont make their choices but we will accept and love them no matter what they choose. The world is small nowadays. She/he may not bring home a guy/girl that is the same color as you. They may choose to work in a field different from what you choose for them. They may choose ro move away when u want them to live close. …they may want a completely different life than what youve imagined…whatever you do….trust me ive made this mistake……dont make your children choose between their dreams and your acceptance and love. Parents and children both lose when that happens……no matter how it turns out in the end……I lost years with my daughters by making the same mistake.