I promised myself I wouldnt but…..

OMG! I sooooooo needed this…words cant express how amazing the last few days have been. Stressfree…carefree….as my closest friend would say, “grown folk” living.  Mind you….ive had some ppl from “the real world” back home try to scratch and claw their way into my serenity and peacefulness here….but ive successfully been able to keep them from disturbing my peace

Only issue that has reared it head is my family. Or more specifically my natural mom. Yup, this is one relationship I can be specific about. Weve always had a strained relationship…not unlike most parent child relationships…we disagree on how that relationship should be governed. I think that a parent should always sow into their childs life and the reward for that is the successes of that child, spiritually, physically & naturally.
   Of course not everyone believes as I do. There are those who believe that once a child is raised then its the parents turn to get emotional, spiritual and financial life and freedom from the child. Some expect the return from providing a home, food and clothing during the child rearing years. Not a problem when both parent and child have the same idea…..unfortunately my mother and I dont.

    But what can say is, I conceded everything she needed to feel ok with having a conversation.  I feel good about that. The “mothering” I need or “motherly advice” I would need I get from my other mom and my grandma. And this works perfectly because she has asked that when we talk that I dont talk about me at all.
    Honestly, It hurts a little. Ya know,  even though I’ve always been “mothered” by others…ive always wanted to one day have something with my mom. But its ok. Dad has put everyone I could ever need in my life at the right time. And I love them…for it.
Cant fault an only child for dreaming.
I have a great awesome family and though half of them arent blood related
they mean the world to me and id fight to the end for them.
   Just hope I can give my mother what shes looking for from me. I honestly think a husband would do a better job amd its not my place…but I love her…and she is an amazing woman. Shes managed to survive a lot in life. She has an impressive resume. Masters and doctorate. Amazing preacher and christian….but as we all know salvation doesn’t make you a good listener, mentor or father. Trust me…my girls will tell ya….i sucked as a dad for years and was in the church serving well. So I extend the same measure of grace to my mother that is extended to me from Dad, when I dont measure up. Bc love doesnt look for what it can get….it looks for what it can give…and it covers a multitude of sins….



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