A little weird and uncomfortable

This “place” im in….is extremely uncomfortable.  The plan or way forward is really undefined and those who know me…know I dont like that at all! Really difficult choices ahead.
Ok….maybe not difficult but uncomfortable. The moves that are required for my future will upset people in my circles. And that botherd me slightly but the people closest to me and are in “my circle” will cheer me on.

      I am having to wade through daily invitations to join various firms and businesses….after not being able to find a dribble of interest for months when I was connected to the wrong people. Causes me to really sit back and evaluate how my associations with the wrong people actually prevented Dad from working in my life. I struggled for a year and as soon as I made changes the floodgates opened up. This epiphany has me analyzing all of my associations constantly. But im still fighting the urge to withdraw from the public. I dont trust “people”. Im sorry. I just dont. I hate being so cynical. But people time and time again have proven to be too cowardly to be honest. Dad is still working on me.

    I have come to realize something important. I struggled desperately to understand why my ex couldnt choose me over her family. It angered me and hurt desperately at the time. Didnt get how an adult was so controlled by their familys opinion. I can honestly say I didnt give her any “grace” in this area. Zero. I was quite self righteous in this area. Well, Dad has an interesting way of teaching through experience. Recently I experienced her side of that little novel….completely changed my view on her conflict. At the time, I couldnt reconcile the fact that you say you love me but youre afraid to stand up to your parents. Or ready to make a stand for what you want. But in my recent experience, I found myself saying the VERY same thing I heard her say and hurt me so much. “I just dont want to deal with all of that drama by confronting them…its not worth it.”
   Go figure. Our choices how we dealt with it are different…I choose to no longer include my natural family in any of my personal life…..but nonetheless I now have a different appreciation for her struggle. Had to be tough. To date someone your family hates but live in the same house with family. I wouldnt wish that on anyone. I dont live with family and their disapproval of my personal choices are far more than i can tolerate!
    I love how Dad teaches us through our past experiences and grows us continually into a mature state. Another lesson in grace learned. Great lesson for my future endeavors.
     The foundation is almost fully funded. Im enjoying my classes teaching me how to write code in all 32 programming languages. Making great progress on the prototypes. Took an awesome job that is paying more a week than I was making last year this time every month. And have partnered in business with two world renowned doctors to do something unpredecented in the cosmectic industry. My hands are full….but so is my heart….every night when I get to say prayers with my princess and hear her say, “Goodnight Daddy…I love you.”
Life is amazing.

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