Overdue sounding board….

Im at a difficult place in life. I suppose everyone is. Im at an empass again. Im starting to wonder if im really supposed to still be here. Not on the planet but location. Seems as if I cant get my footing or make any progress towards greatness. I cant shake this stench of mediocrity from me. Ive often thought of disconnecting from those im surrounded by but that would imply that my mediocrity is somehow caused by their presence. And the only thing that nauseates me more than “average” is blaming others for what I do to myself. 
    I guess im at a sort of a cross roads.
Either accept that average and mediocrity is the harvest that im obliged to pull up due to the principle of sowing and reaping. “… for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” Gal. 6:7-8.
   Ive spent the majority of my life “sowing to my flesh” or in laymans terms, doing what made me feel good and whatever I enjoyed. So even using accepted financial principles by me refusing to engage in “deferred gratification”(working hard and sacrificing enjoyment of profits to reinvest them into the future of the project) I cant really expect much enjoyable “reaping” at this point.
    OR….I can continue to plug along without the promise of anything more than mediocrity simply bc an equal effort of good seed must balance the measure of bad seed. 30 years of bad seed….30 years of good seed. Hmmmmm. Thats puts me at about 60 or 65yrs old. Deferred gratification is the order of the day I guess.
    Im just thinking out loud. I have realized that I desperately need to stop talking about my dreams and goals to people.  Ive talked in anticipation most of my life and have seen about 60% of those things happen. But its been a long time since anything great has come out of the “GP” camp. Just frustrating to have God drop awesome ideas in your head without any means to accomplish them. Maybe theyre for me to give to someone else. Yeah. Never thought of that. Ive tried to get one idea to Tyler Perry. Oh well.
     Sorry for using my blog to think out loud but sometimes it melds better in my brain when I see it written. I think im going to just settle in for the next 30 years and call it good. Nothing extraordinary. ….just thankful for the little things and being one of the little people. No pity party. Just a post of self actualization. When you admit where you really are….what youve really got….who you are…what you can and cant do or have or become. …..then you can accept what youve chosen to be your life and began to be thankful you didnt muck it up worse than it is.
Word for the day? Gratefulness.

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