Ok, I RARELY write to the women. Why? Because they know everything and listen to reply not listen to understand. But I NEED to shed some light on this bc of the frustration I continually hear from my brothers.
Here’s the hypothetical conversation:
Her: “we’ve been dating for 6 months and im curious to know where is this relationship going? How do feel about marriage?”
Him: “I love you and I love what we have and how we are growing together. Im just not ready for marriage.”
Sound familiar? Every guy has been here. Today im not going to deal with the ridiculousness of even having this conversation. Or how this conversation has NOTHING to do with the guy but EVERYTHING to do with the warped perception of how relationships work on the part of a lot women. Today, im going to clue women in on WHAT A MAN REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS, “IM NOT READY.” (Everything you thought it meant is….wait for it…..WRONG!)
A man is and was designed to be a provider, a protector and a leader. When a man is single, he can live up to all of these innate needs in his circle of influence without any pressure. At his own discretion. The problem is that when he is comtemplating marriage…how well he does these things is no longer measured by his opinion. Its measured by her.
Now hes been listening to all of your dreams; youve been looking at houses; he knows what kind of car you’d love to drive; he knows youre struggling to pay the student loans….hes watched how you will take your last $20 and go out to lunch with your girlfriends bc tomorrows payday instead of banking it. Hes watched you put off bills to buy those shoes.
So when you ask him about marriage…he goes back through all of those things and runs a mental bank tally of what he would have to be clearing financially to accomplish his dreams and sustain your lifestyle. We hear you SAY “I can take care of myself” but we watch you make bad choices consistently. So in our heads, we are thinking, “if I marry her and if we are ever to have any savings, retirement, anything substantial. ..im going to have to make enough to keep her happy AND sock plenty away.”
So in order for MEN to be READY…..we need a chunk in savings, we need our credit score back up between 720 and 750; we need to already have or be qualified to purchase the starter home WITHOUT you on the application; we need to have ALL of our financial issues handled and sewn up…..example: back taxes, credit cards, child support, unresolved debt..etc.
Are you ladies getting this? Shocked? You should be. We are so done with hearing, “Girl, hes afraid of commitment! He just wants to play the field! He doesnt want to be locked down in case he can upgrade!” Thats why we just walk away from you! Because we are struggling with wanting desperately to pledge our lives to you but want to have the time and ability to provide the life we think you deserve. You say, “we’ll do it together.” THATS NOT HOW GOD MADE US! God is going away to PREPARE a place for us in heaven and MAN is made in His image. It is in our DNA to provide. When in a marriage, We MUST provide! Thats why you ladies are HELPmeets. We drive you help!
When you throw a fear of commitment in our faces….ive heard this from men over and over amd over, we realize that you dont really want us….you just want A husband. You could love anybody! And heres the kicker: we want the one that cant love anybody BUT us. We want to marry the woman that wants spend the rest of her life with us….and doesnt care what her title is…..the woman that its more important for her to be MINE than it is to be a MRS….the one that wants my heart MORE than she wants my ring……loves being MY woman….not just hanging on hoping to be A wife…..
And when you ladies denegrate yourselves and the relationship down to the level of that crap…..it lets us know…..you are right for ANYONE but you are definitely NOT THE ONE!