The “Window Shopping” ban

Im so confused by the disastrous attitudes so many take into relationships. Today, I briefly want to discuss the red flag of a “window shopping ban”.
   Now ill preface the commentary by saying this is not for the faint of heart and is directed to HELP men. Not women. I will be bold enough to say that the majority of women that tend to disagree with this premise are the ones that suffer from this issue.
    “Window shopping ban” is a socially accepted position taken by most women and some men. Its pretty simple: “If we are in a relationship/dating/married; I consider it disrespectful for you to look at, visibly notice, comment on or even desire to appreciate the physical appearance of ANY member of the opposite sex in or out of my presence.”
    This is the sometimes explicitly articulated and sometimes readily assumed and accepted position of men and women everywhere. If we are honest, some of us have been in this relationship; are in this relationship or enforce this ban in every relationship we have. Here’s the problem with this ban.
    In order to understand ANY dysfunctional ideal, we must first identify the root of the need to CONTROL another’s behaviour. We first need to dispel some socially accepted beliefs. First, we MUST readily accept the fact that being “in love” does not change the fact that there are many people that are more attractive in the world than we are. None of us are the MOST attractive person in existence. While emotions can “color” our perception of beauty, emotions DO NOT control or establish fact. The fact is that while the emotional commitment of our mates may be firmly secured in our hearts….to assume those that our mates found attractive before meeting us somehow now have become “unattractive” is absurd.
Now that we have established that there ARE ppl that are also attractive to our mates….now can we admit that the commitment to the relationship is not based on attraction. If there are others that are attractive to our mates and they choose us, then there is something more that causes them to choose us.
If this is true, acknowledging the attractiveness of another DOES NOT infer any disloyalty or disrespect. UNLESS our self esteem is tied to the behaviour of our mate. If so, there is another blog post on the way to address your issue. But make no mistake, it is YOUR problem not your mates.
To demand that true love ignores everyone that is attractive due to some trance like addiction that results in a zombie like existence is obliviously self indulgent and ridiculously self centered.
I submit, those who hold to such Disney like fantasies will always live in a relational fog that will be easily dissipated with this wind of truth.
Just something to chew on…let it marinate ppl.

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