Fear is one of the most powerful motivators on earth. Fear is the cause of the Iraq war. Fear caused wwII. Fear can paralyze. Cause us to reject the very thing we’ve always wanted when it’s right in front of us.
Fear can cause us hate instead of love. Stand in apathy when we should move in faith. Fear is the reason we won’t when faith should be the reason we will.
Many fear repeating the same cycles of their parents. I am fighting the same struggle. My mother has only shown me bitterness and horrible relationships. I am trying desperately not to repeat her example. It saddens me because she will probably die single because of her bitter heart. I am desperately trying not to be bitter and write everyone off. I pity her but understand her. So I, like many of you, are skeptical about breaking the cycles. Hurt people hurt others. “How can I have something I’ve never seen?”
I ran across this article that brings up a lot of valid points of how to break the cycles. In my quest to not be my mother, but protect myself from others….I offer this wisdom.
Let it simmer flks.
By Michael Rochin
“Almost 5 years ago, I moved out of my house; not because I was an 18 year old kid that wanted to be on his own, and not because I was getting kicked out, but because my parents were getting a divorce and my Dad was moving to a different state. Statistics say that you may understand my situation first hand.
Almost a year ago, I said “I do” to my wife; A vow that sometimes goes forgotten by some and a promise that people don’t pay attention to when they should the most. When I said, “I do”, and the months leading up to that moment, I doubted myself and the fact that I should get married. When the only example of marriage you see includes daily shouting matches and a pull out bed in the living room being used more often than the king sized in the bedroom, you can’t help but to feel scared that you will keep that cycle moving when you, yourself, get married; the cycle of brokenness, selfishness, and then divorce.
Maybe one of you knows exactly where I am coming from. Maybe you fear continuing this cycle. Whether it is the abuse of alcohol in your family, divorce, maybe something worse, there is a fear that this won’t stop with you and that you will pass it on to your kids.
But there is good news.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”. If anyone accepts Christ and puts Him in the center of their life, the old cycle of brokenness has ended and it is now replaced with selflessness and joy. There is no more divorce but more growing and pushing through the tough times. It doesn’t say, “Accept Christ and all your problems will go away and you will live in a perfect world”, because that isn’t the case. The truth is, Christ is now fighting for your marriage with you and He is your family’s number one supporter.
You might come from a broken home, a family of abuse, your dad might have left you and your mother when you were a child, but it doesn’t mean that you are destined to be this way. You can start the new cycle of hope and accomplishment, because Christ made that promise, He makes ALL THINGS NEW.”