I apologize to you all for not posting this yesterday or Sunday, as promised. Unfortunately, the last thing you want to do when you are forced to patiently deal with loss and pain, is write. Well actually some of the most amazing art and music has been birthed from painful experiences.
The problem is…..they had the liberty to freely express themselves….I do not. I know, sounds confusing to some. But those who share my faith understand.
If I allow myself to speak purely from my emotions then what I would say would be in direct opposition to what I believe is to be the outcome or end of the story.
I am a staunch believer in the power of your words.
I can’t allow myself to speak and live in what i feel….
I must speak and live in what i believe. Even though everything around me appears to be the opposite.
So therein lies my dilemma. I’m a writer. And as I’ve spent our 4 years together trying to encourage you….I have come to a place of “being so close but never further away” that I can’t manage to encourage myself.
While at one time I was struggling to succeed….
Now I struggle to breathe
It’s actually no one’s fault. No one made a mistake…no bad decisions…even though we often first look for someone to blame….
Even in the middle of this, I understand the purpose….
You will never defend with your life what was given to you easily. ….
And you can never truly appreciate the value of what is being freely offered to you
Until you have understood how rare it actually is.
Both of these lessons require the hardest attribute to acquire……patience.
And the one thing none of us have to waste…….time.
But when you’ve assumed the role of a “real man”…and laid claim to your place as the head…..
You’ve got to take it like a “real man” with compassion, forgiveness and love….no matter how bad it gets….
If you cant hold your ground and be the “constant”…..then you don’t deserve the role….
And I am built for this. ….