First let me start with a disclaimer::
If you are medicretional; supersaved; super sexually conservative uptighty; “doggy style is demonic”; sex is for making babies only; AIDS is God’s judgement on the homos; a REAL man doesn’t get manicures or pedicures & “mounts” his wife for sex….PLEASE STOP READING!
THIS ARTICLE IS NOT MEANT FOR YOU.
Not that anything is wrong with that belief system, but this article isn’t meant for that crowd. I stand by the firm belief that salvation is individualistic and is not one-size-fits-all. If that works for you and God (and your spouse) by all means, continue as you were. My house doesn’t have to run like yours and yours does not have run like mine. I bid you adieu.
Now that our conservative friends have left the room….fellas, let’s have a chat.
For whatever reason, there’s a lingering social stigma regarding men and sex toys. While women can talk openly about their vibrators, a man with a pocket pussy is regarded as some kind of bizarre pervert.
Let me speak directly to the men right now: If your life is devoid of sex toys, you are missing out, my friend. Here are five things every man should have in his bedside table drawer.
I seriously wonder why any man has sex without one of these. A simple cock ring attaches around the base of the penis or scrotum, trapping blood inside the penis. What this means is a rock hard erection from a stiff breeze.
Unlike your high school days of discovering women’s bra straps for the first time, however, you’re not going to have an orgasm without some serious effort on your part. Before you talk to your doctor about Viagra, talk to your local porn store clerk about a cock ring.
Suggestions: Leather is nice and neoprene is a great substitute for the vegan kinkster. The Deluxe Erection Maker, handmade right here in L.A. by JT’s Stockroom is aptly named, though novices might want to go for something more basic.
It makes sense that you might not want a massive vibrator around the house — though, to be fair, if you do have one that would be kind of awesome. Still, I’ve not met many ladies who won’t love their man when he pulls this one out.
A pocket rocket is little more than a very small vibrator. It’s not there for penetration, but clitoral stimulation. You can also give it a whirl on the glans of your penis if you’re a more adventurous kind of guy. One thing is for certain, though: Bring this home to your love and she’s not going to complain.
Suggestions: The one at the impulse purchase section of your local sex shop will get the job done, but probably won’t last too long. You can buy one with an attachment that looks like a little bunny, which gets the job done even cuter.
If you’re going to get a masturbation toy, why not get the very best? Not only will the terminally single man find this a reasonable substitute for the physical pleasures of the boudoir, husbands who travel can use it to keep their stamina in check between long trips away from home.
A great way to give your penis a workout: combine this with a cock ring and you’re basically cross-training your balls for a sexual triathlon.
Suggestions: You can skimp on a pocket pussy or you can get the product that’s almost synonymous with male masturbation toys. You can grab a Fleshlight for under $60, so relax, it’s not like you’re investing in a real doll here, gents.
Gentlemen, I know this isn’t the easiest topic to get into, but let me be blunt: Stop being a baby and get to know your prostate. Feels good, man. There’s something a little childish and well, unmanly about a man who’s afraid to experience the pleasure of his own arse.
You might not actually be into it, but unless you do some serious fiddling around down there, you’re never going to know for sure. And hey, if you can’t get down with the brown, you can at least get into some perineum stuff. That’s also called “the taint.” Press hard on it and it feels good. Try it.
Suggestions: Aneros offers a whole line of products of products for the man who wants to get to know the pleasures of the anus, as well as men who are well acquainted with it. You can even get stuff that goes inside you and presses on the perineum at the same time. Did we mention that they have starter kits?
Some Kind of Restraint
Fuzzy handcuffs, leather wrist cuff, or anything else you find particularly appealing is something you should have around. Whether you want to restrain your partner or be restrained, it’s always fun to have something like this lying around.
Maybe you’re more into ropes, in which case you don’t even have to go to the porn store. A quick trip to Home Depot will do.
Suggestions: A lot of this is based on your personal situation. A set of straight up handcuffs might scare even a kinky casual date away. Having a couple things around (i.e. handcuffs, fur-lined wrist cuffs, and some rope) might be your best bet. It allows you to gauge the situation and pick whatever seems most appropriate.
Okay, I understand far too many of us guys think our manhood is tied to what won’t do…afraid of being thought of as freaky…or unmanly….or weak….or dare I say it? Gay? Newflash: GOD, not your momma, Mother So&So, your pastor or the Bishop, Mitt Romney, Fox News, MSNBC, COGIC or either Bush did not make your body. And not one of them has any clue of God’s intention for it. Yeah. Chew. On that….while you’re at it…ask any MATURE woman (not in age but in mental and emotional growth)….there is nothing women find sexier than a man who isn’t afraid of his own body; her body and the opinions of others. Self confidence is the most attractive thing we could ever wear.
(Okay, somebody let our sexually conservative friends back into the room.)