Often times it is so misconstrued that “men just don’t won’t to do what’s right by their women”.
In my years of experience, I’ve often found that the relationships we want are the ones we are most afraid of. By afraid, I mean that we are so determined not to repeat our past “mistakes” that we mistake most new friendships and relationships for a repeat of our history even there’s even a faint whiff of what we remember from our past.
What we completely miss is that what we deem as mistakes were actually exactly what we needed to get where we are now.
Take for example, my own relationship with my mother. We have always had a tenuous relationship at best. Sometimes going for several years without speaking due to a complete distrust of each other’s motives and inability to effectively communicate.
After decades of unresolved hurts from and by each other for a myriad of reasons, forgiveness and reconciliation simply out of the question. Each of us required the other to prove they had changed enough to satisfy our well established boundaries.
(Sidebar: If you live long enough and have any inner desire to better yourself each day.. [not everyone wants to be a better person] one day, life will cause you to rethink everything you were so certain of. I guarantee it!)
When I came to my foundationally shaking moment and had to completely retool myself, thought processes, beliefs and perspectives….I realized that I was given a clean slate everyday by God or infinite intelligence… (however you choose to term your higher being) If my creative purpose was to receive brand new mercies and grace in my failures daily and then extend and give out that grace and mercy daily….as to empty my cup so it may be refilled tomorrow…..THEN….
Prejudging my mother by her past actions was not clogging her reception of daily grace….it was clogging mine.
I needed to give to her what God gave to me…just like He gives it to me …..so that I may present an empty cup each morning to be refilled.
I fail….it is the very process by which I succeed.
I fail my way to success…..
Therefore I am in dire need of that very mercy and grace daily.
So I put away the scoreboard and I am learning how to treat and speak to her as if she’s never hurt me and I have never been scarred in life.
I have stated all of this to say: When you live your life protecting your heart from hurt. Two things are guarranteed.
1. You WILL be hurt badly. Being hurt is a promise from God. It is also the ONLY way to grow or know Him intimately. And if this is no pain, there is nothing to compare joy with…therefore joy ceases to exist.
2. You only protect your heart from ever experiencing true love as God intended.
You may find it. See it. Smell it. But you’ll never have it and feel the security of knowing an all encompassing forever love until you abandon your defenses.
Heed my words…for this lesson I have learned well. Painfully well. For which I am now incredibly grateful for.
That which you want….these seven things all women want and most men want to give…..can only be had if you daily make the choice to bare your tender soul and heart to the one you would want this from.
Quote of the day: The one who you won’t allow close enough to hurt you deeply will never be close enough to love you deeply.
7 things every person needs and wants in a relationship.
Your greatest success and triumph lives next door to your greatest fear.