Yeah……you read it correctly. I realized something today. I currently have and have always had a Plan B for God. Yup…..you heard me.
a Plan B for God
let me explain further
Trust is such a tricky element in our lives.
Some say trust is only earned.
Others say trust is only given and can never be earned.
Well, as it pertains to Dad and I, my mouth has consistently maintained that I have all the faith in the world in His plan but I’ve always maintained a backup plan “if I heard Him wrong”…(that’s what Christians say when they don’t have the faith to believe what God has told them because it looks too big)
You see, in the world of Christians, it’s considered bad form to say that you don’t have enough faith to believe God or to say that you might have mistaken your inner dialogue for the voice of God.
If this is openly admitted, then the judgement of other Christians come into play. The piety of you committment to the Christian faith may be questioned. How can anyone follow you if your identification of Gods voice speaking to you isn’t 100% and infallible?
No one wants to be in the camp of those who doubt God. Heb. 11:6 “without faith, it is impossible to please God…” To be labeled as someone who doesn’t please God by the church?
“And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.”
John 10:4 KJV
So cmon….so now because I’m not one of the sheep because I don’t “know” his voice?
Do you see how this perpetuates a false bravado and fear to be vulnerable or transparent?
If we have to fake it with God….how can we be authentic with anyone else?
I mean really…
So instead of admitting that I’m always nervous that I might get what he’s saying wrong or that I absolutely can’t manage to find a shrivel of faith to believe any of this is His plan and resign myself to believe that everything falling apart is the results of something I screwed up…..
I don’t mention my turmoil. How can the woman I want to spend my life with have faith in my ear for God when I’m not sure sometimes. I can’t tell her I’m scared to death. I’m supposed to be the rock right? I’m supposed to always get it right…that’s what they tell us men…
We’re somehow not good men or not godly men when we get it wrong….
So therein lies my Plan B for Gods Plan A.
I never intend to second guess his plan. But subconsciously, if I’m completely off base and missed his instructions….I’m following instructions but dropping metaphorical breadcrumbs along the way so I can find my way back…back up plan
Until this year….
Until she came along….
She has no idea how her arrival has made me brave enough to run for gold….
Swing for the fences…
Walk the high wire with no safety net….
I’m living with no back up plan
(Which scares the crap out of her)
But it’s the only way I can recover if I fail…..
Is if I know I left it all out there…
Gave it everything I had….
Because the “us”in the future God has shared with me….is so unspeakably amazing….it’s worth going after it
With no Plan b..
I can’t be what He’s created me to be without who Hes created me to become one flesh with…..
I’ll stop there…she’s hates me to become publicly sappy…